My photo
Welcome to my blog! I'm a senior in college who loves reading, writing, makeup, beauty, movies, and laughing.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Dating

I know I haven't posted anything in a long time :( I've been super busy starting my senior year of high school and God is teaching me a lot of lessons lately that are very time consuming. One of the many lessons I've been through in the past couple of months are guys. I'm actually going through this right now. I saw this on a website and I thought I should share :) I hope you enjoy it too.
------


Have you like loads of Christian women wondered how on earth you are going to find a Christian husband?... Well I've been there too so I want to help out with a few simple ideas. OK, here goes.

This may be the most important decision you make in your life and may decide if you'll have a happy marriage and also affect your children. There are no golden rules on how to find a husband or 'get' a Christian guy to marry as it's sometimes not so nicely referred to, as God deals with us individually and we also live in different cultures where some of the less important matters differ. However here are some guidelines:

It may help to read Genesis 24 through carefully. It deals with someone who was looking for a bride for a young man and gives us some good principles to follow.

1. Look for a Christian husband that suits you. Do not marry a man who is not a Christian.
Read Genesis 24:3-4 as well as 2 Corinthians 6:14-15.

2. Trust the Lord that He will show you in some way who the right man is for marriage (Genesis 24:7).

3. Pray that the Lord will show you the right guy to marry (Genesis 24:12).

4. Look for someone who is helpful and caring and outward looking (Genesis 24:17-22).

5. As far as possible look for a man who has not slept with other girls / women (Genesis 24:16). But then you should also see to it that you keep yourself from this kind of lifestyle that is considered extremely unhelpful (1 Thessalonians 4:38).

6. If you want to know where to find the right kind of man to marry be like a fisherman. When he wants to catch fish, he goes where the fish are, the river or lake or sea. If you want to find a Christian husband, you should go to church or the youth group where Christian people meet!!

If you pray that God will guide you in this and follow these guidelines you can be sure that God will lead you to the right man or at least in the right direction if it is not your time to get married. Be patient - sometimes it takes God years to work out in you his maturing process so you are ready when the right man comes along. He has promised to lead us if we follow Him (Psalm 37:47). You will know, by your love and respect for the person and by the fact that he/she returns that love and respect for you, that God has guided you. It is possible that some people may know at an early age who they will marry, but others do not. It is best these days to wait until after the age of 20 or 21 for marriage, because you are more mature - 30 is a great age where you should have developed a good sense of self worth and know what suits you better than you did in the haste of your youth! :)

Dating non-Christians
Should Christians date non Christians...?

"do not be yoked with unbelievers"

"He's the nicest guy I've met in ages. It's not as if I ever meet anyone - and who knows, he might become a Christian"

This page talks about the question of should Christians go out with or date a non-Christian - the age old problem of having a Christian girlfriend or boyfriend that doesn't believe. Is dating non-believers an option for Christians? Shouldn't we be equally yoked with someone who believes that Christ? Well here's a few thoughts and what the Bible has to say about this subject.

There is of course nothing inherently wrong with dating a non-Christian. There are many stories of Christians going out with non-Christians who subsequently give their life to God and the two go on to get married. But there are also stories to the contrary of great heartache and eventual splitting of partners either before or after marriage.

With the added pressure of other people drifting in and out of casual relationships, everyone else is having all the fun and you end up wondering why you don't try it yourself! To make things trickier still, some non-Christians have higher morals, and are more faithful and understanding than their fellow Christians.

a real dilemma!
It's a dilemma, - and it does seem unfair of God to restrict us to the few that are Christian in the real sense. Trying to find someone with whom you click, who you find attractive and who you know loves the Lord - can be so difficult that staying Gods side of the fence can seem like too much to ask! - Should I ask that non- Christian guy out at work? Should I be less fussy? Should I go church hopping? Should I join an agency? In the end it distracts from the real meaning of Christian life. Not to mention hours wasted barking up the wrong trees!

Should we consider dating a non-Christian partner outside the church when one inside seems so elusive - what does the Bible say?


1)
The bible says guard your heart above all.

2) We can see with Jesus as our model that as Christians we are limited in the things we can do. We have to sacrifice many things that the rest of the world does not, and one of those things is the vast choice of people with whom we can have a husband/wife relationship.

3) The bible clearly states that marrying a nonbeliever is to be avoided. (do not be yoked with unbelievers or non Christians) However If you find this dogmatic, consider the sensitive way it addresses people who are already in a relationship with a nonbeliever. Far from consign them both to hell it offers constructive advice and says that the Christians' faith actually sanctifies the nonbeliever in the relationship. -Not to be taken to mean that dating a non-Christian is a good idea.

4) Be careful who you get together with as bad company corrupts good character. Can a non Christian partner help you spiritually?

5) The Bible tells us that few will enter the kingdom of heaven which is important because it follows that the number of potential partners available to us will be equally few. It is to be expected that meeting compatible people is difficult.

-As ever the Bible offers practical advice to real problems!


Other things to consider . . .

A mature Christian woman dating a spiritually immature man:

This may or may not worry you but consider the fact that the bible says the man should be the spiritual leader in a relationship. Spiritual maturity does not come overnight unlikely that a new Christian man could lead a mature Christian woman.

uneven playing field
When you go out with a non-Christian you may have find you have opposite views on certain issues that your partner may not consider issues at all! For instance commitment to them may not be commitment to you. This will give them an unfair advantage in a relationship as they can break certain rules that you can't - and you may feel pressured to break them to hold their interest. This really happens! It's much better when both parties have the same rulebook. With an issue like no sex before marriage it'll take 2 to say 'no'. When one is indifferent, temptation will be hard to resist!

from a practical point of view . . .
Is the person you're dating someone you'd like to marry? Being able to talk about your deepest emotions, hopes and fears in the light of God is something most Christians would want from a life long partner. Can you have this kind of relationship with an unbeliever? Most Christians agree that in the end something is missing. It can be like talking to someone who "isn't home" for want of a less arrogant sounding description. Consider what you want.

It is true that many non-Christians have good relationships (though they could never be as fulfilling as a right relationship in which both partners included God) With one believer and one nonbeliever. The scales are uneven and liable to tip.


Having established that it's probably best not to seriously date a non-Christian (though this may not always be the case), how can we improve our chances of meeting someone?

You can visit different churches but this is a very inefficient way to meet someone. You're going to have to go for a couple of weeks before you get to know anyone and even then you may not end up in a position to approach the person you like. It also takes your mind off church itself. Church hopping is not a sin but it's not a good way to find a partner.

You can introduce people whom you know have an interest in each other. If everyone did this you could guarantee the favour would be returned!

to summarise

1) Does the person you're interested in have the spiritual spiritual maturity you need? (esp important for women)

2) In a relationship with a non-Christian you may be tempted to compromise your beliefs in order to stay appealing.

3)
Falling in love is easy. In a romantic relationship it may be difficult to escape a relationship with an unbeliever if it turns out to be wrong.

4) Consider carefully whether short term gain is worth giving yourself to what could be the wrong person.

5) While there can be nothing wrong with dating a non-Christian, you never know when a casual date will turn into a lifelong love.

6) If you don't want to end up marrying a non-Christian, don't date one!






4 comments:

  1. Great post. I'd add a couple of things.

    1) First of all, he looks for you. Don't go hunting or fishing, simply trust God.

    2) Church is not always the guarantee of a good match. There are many wolves in sheep's clothing that go by the "Christian" label. When the time comes, you must listen to the voice of God as He guides and convicts you. Do not resist His leading regardless of what you MIGHT think you see. If He says, "NO" or sends a red flag, don't ignore. He sees the future--you don't. He knows if a nice guy will turn into a creep.

    3) DON'T SETTLE. Yes, it is possible to find a guy who has remained pure for marriage.

    4) Ask God for someone who is not only spiritually compatible, but don't be afraid to ask for specifics--a good family, ethics, AND very important, that each of you compliments each other toward the vision and calling God has assigned to you.

    5) REST

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey :)

    Interesting post :)

    But since I'm not really Christan, well, I am, but my parents never drilled religion into me....sooo.....yeah :(

    :)

    This part of year is ALWAYS busy!

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is such a good post, and its really good to have you back!!! I love the long posts, but it may be a little too long, just saying... Anywhoo, WELCOME BACK!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great post sweetie... it is good you desire a good Godly Christian man for a husband. A girl can't go wrong if she allows God to chose her future spouse.

    I love your Mum's comment too... she has such precious wisdom, given by the Lord. Stay close to her words and He will bless you with an amazing future full of His richest blessings!

    Blessings to you from Australia.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for commenting..!